Married! And Boy, Was I Wrong!!

Grandson Hudson's artistic depiction of our wedding

I was wrong and I have no problem admitting it. I truly thought that getting married wouldn't make things any different between Sheila & me. More about this later, but, I was wrong ...

It was a nearly ... no, not nearly ... it WAS a perfect day in every possible way. Miramar Beach, Florida is as close to beach perfection as it can possibly be with beautiful white sand beaches, almost transparent water, and a general "kick back & relax" atmosphere. Shauna, James & the kids were there, as were Bruce and Linda along with Laura & Lord who traveled down from NYC. The weather couldn't have been any more perfect, temps in the high '70's at 6:00 pm and another fantastic sunset underway.

And Sheila, looking happy and beautiful, with tears in her eyes the entire time, joined me in making a commitment to a lifetime together! It was a small service, just 11 people, and just the way we wanted it. The focus was on the moment, not encumbered by any need to entertain a large crowd or worry about catering or photographers or live music. We really wanted to enjoy the ceremony and not have to get stuck in "coordination mode".

The wedding party, l to r:
Bruce. Linda, Carter, me, Sheila, Audrey, James, Hudson, Shauna Laura, Lord

Lord is an ordained minister and performed the service for us. It was really comforting to have a family member "in charge" of the actual ceremony, knowing that he would keep us on track ... he did a wonderful job!  Carter handled the photography for us (Carter is a great photographer, videographer and vlogger), and Sheila is so happy that her grandson was able to be such a big part of the event.

Sheila, still beautiful even when wind blasted

The wind decided to kick it up a notch just before the ceremony started. Some creative positioning allowed for generally great poses, and even those that were a bit wind blown came out great! For some reason, the beach was not loaded with semi-naked swimmers so the pictures don’t need a lot of photo-shopping. Truthfully, neither of us noticed anything other than each other and the ceremony itself ... it was cool to watch a video of the ceremony and see what was going on around us.

The day was perfect, the ceremony was perfect, Sheila was perfect, even I was perfect (for a change) (hey, even a broken clock shows the right time at least once a day) and our wedding was simply beautiful in every way! Surrounded by people we love, sharing our joy with them just as they shared our sorrows with us when we lost Frank and Bunny, vowing to honor each other as we start our brand new life together, we couldn't ask for a better start to our marriage!

I said at the start of this post that I was wrong, that I didn't think marriage would change anything between us, and I meant it. I never expected to be even more in love with Sheila than I am, yet now, a few days after the wedding, I do love her more. I never expected to be more proud of her, yet here I am, busting with pride over the fact that the wonderful soul is my wife. I never expected the emotional "tears in my eyes" to continue to well up at the thought that this beautiful woman was willing to make the lifetime commitment to stay with me forever. I never expected to feel differently after the vows, but I do.

Our "unofficial"official wedding pic

This is also, in many ways, the end of this part of the story. What started out as a blog dedicated to the memory of one deeply rooted spirit has evolved into the unveiling of another vibrant force in my life, injecting even more meaning and love into my soul than I ever thought possible. And I thank you all, truly, from the bottom of my heart for allowing me to share this life evolution with you. I never expected to have so many people reading this blog and I'm humbled by the many kind words you have given me.

Of course, being the Jersey-bred blabbermouth that I am, the writing will continue. I am in the process of converting the blog over to a new/larger/better hosting service which will allow for expanded coverage and more content. I expect this to take a few weeks as I sort out how to get that done, but I promise to keep you all updated with my progress. For those that subscribe to the blog, you'll be sent the new information as soon as it is finalized. For those that receive the information via various social media services, you should be able to continue to view the blog in the same manner as you have up to this date.

If you want to be sure to stay linked to the blog, please feel free to send an email to me at egbassga@gmail.com with the word "subscribe" in the title ... we'll be sure to keep you updated.

Sheila and I both thank you all for your amazing support!

From Mine & Yours to Ours

Most of the people that read this blather I call a blog (and that's quite a hefty number, surprisingly) are either old, like me, or at least in a pretty long term relationship (no, not 4 months ... real long term, like years and years) (when did dating for 4 months start to become so meaningful?) (sure, it's nice and all, but it's just dating, right?). So, most of you probably don't remember the start of your relationship and the setting up of ground rules. I certainly didn't ...

Somewhere along the line things went from "mine" and "yours" to "ours" around here. It wasn't purposeful or intentional, we didn't have any long discussions about it, no deep soul searching or extended introspective. It just, one day, was now "ours".

I moved in with Sheila in October last year. Now, for that, we had many long discussions! We weighed the pros (waayyy to many to list here) and the cons (truthfully, couldn't come up with even one) ... Even tried out the old "Devils Advocate" routine, trying to find a reason to not live together. But it just made sense to both of us, so I relocated to Georgia.

Then the reality of having some formerly grumpy Jersey guy living with you started to settle in with Sheila (and I say formerly, because since arriving in Georgia my disposition did a 180) (by 180, I mean a complete turnaround) (explanation provided for the mathematically challenged) . Here's a short list of things she didn't expect:

• Ownership of a dumb dog

No, really ... not smart

• Loss of nearly the entire lower level of the house to musical instruments

Take-over includes supply of old rockers

• Never ending Jersey chatter

Chatter includes things like "guh-head" instead of "go ahead"

• Constant companionship

Now, in fairness to me, I had to make some adjustments as well:

•  Ownership of the sweetest dog in the State of Georgia

Seriously, sweet ... polar opposite of the other simpleton

• Tasked with filling the lower level of the house with musical instruments

  

  Truthfully, it wasn't too hard to find out-of-work musicians

• Getting lozenges to keep my voice from getting hoarse

• Getting used to always having something to do

So, as you can see, we BOTH needed to make some sacrifices. I have a feeling I got the better half of the bargain ....

As we settled into life as a couple some things just naturally developed. A few of them we actually discussed in advance, a few just seemed to morph into the way things are today. For example, we had a real discussion about finances and how to handle things. Luckily for both of us, our money issues are non-issues (we both have been very fortunate in that regard) so it was pretty easy to come to an agreement as to how to handle our routine expenses.  We also discussed the mundane, like cooking and housework, and came to an agreement of sorts about how we would divvy up those tasks ( I do most of the everyday cooking, since I'm retired and Sheila still works) (and I'm learning to become more proficient in the kitchen) (Sheila takes over for the important meals, though).

When we had these "daily life" talks it was always "You do this, I'll do that", a specific set of rules, for lack of a better term ... Maybe guidelines is a bit more appropriate than rules, but you get the idea. "This" was mine, "That" was hers, and we slowly began to have some "ours" start to creep into our lives. One of the very first examples came after Sheila took me to a local auction house, where we bought about $300 worth of stuff and kind of split the cost between us. One of the items we bought was our (see? "Our" not mine/yours) snail vase. Somehow, this snail vase became the first, real tangible thing we could call "ours".

Don't make fun of the snail vase or the dope holding it

One of the things we had decided pretty early on in our relationship and subsequent decision to live together was that family, to include our departed spouses, would always play a huge part in our lives. To that end, we have pictures of family (past and present) throughout our house (see, this is what I mean ... for the longest time it was Sheila's house, but now it's our house) (same goes for the Spotswood NJ house ... it was "my" house, but now we're selling "our" NJ house). So slowly, family pics began to intertwine between clans, with it now simply being "family" pictures.

Our bedroom has a sizable walk-in closet and when I moved down Sheila cleared a space for me to put my 5 shirts and three pairs of jeans (j/k, she left enough room for 8 shirts), but as time went by we started to do our laundry together (just T-shirts at first, then jeans, and eventually co-mingled our underwear). We still have some laundry boundaries, mostly because Sheila is frilly and I'm, decidedly, not frilly, so we have to be careful to not destroy her stuff. But for the most part, the walk-in closet is now "ours".

As we started traveling together, some vacation and some business, we began to collect little momento's of the trips. These collectibles were beginning to get scattered throughout the house. When company would ask, "Where did you get that?" the answer started to become "WE got that in Savannah/Memphis/NYC/Vancouver/wherever". Yes, there are still some things (quite a few, actually) that are distinctly Sheila's or mine, but even there, we now both know how the item or momento was gathered and talk about these things in a joint-possessive tone rather than "That was hers/his".

As Sheila and I talked about this very topic, leading into the writing of this blog post, we both realized that the hard-core definitive start of "ours" was when we got engaged. And in reality, absolutely NOTHING changed in our day-to-day lives, except that Sheila was no longer my "girlfriend", I was no longer her "significant other" ... we were now engaged and she was my fiance.  But the finances? Still the same. Chores? Still the same. Closet space? Well, that's a losing battle for me, I waved the white flag of surrender and gave up any thoughts of hanging more than 10 shirts, 1 suit and three pairs of pants (I did, however, gain a complete 6 drawer chest and 1 nightstand).

Somehow, though, that simple "Yes, I will marry you" lapse of judgement on Sheila's part was the significant turning point to "ours", where suddenly everything became a joint custody arrangement. We sold two (nice) Bose SoundTouch systems on Ebay that I had owned for years before meeting Sheila, but the sale was ours, not mine. In kind, Sheila has had a fantastic Sonos sound system in the house for years, but that system is now mine as much as it is hers. I can't fully explain how that happened, but it did.

And we still have a few things that are not in the "ours" category, like some savings set aside for the kids (note to children: It's not all that much, please don't get rid of us while we're sleeping) and some rental properties Sheila owns. When you have more than 60 years under your belt BEFORE you meet there are bound to be some things that remain separate, but in general, all of our stuff is now mushed up in one big pile. 

We're getting married on September 19th in Destin Florida, on the beach, at sunset, during a small and intimate service, surrounded by immediate family. Lord, Laura's long term (seriously, years, not 4 months) sig other, is an ordained minister and will be performing the service. Sheila will, undoubtedly, be crying the whole time ... it's already been decided that I will say our vows for both of us. The adults who will be at the service are all "Ours"-type couples, in long term (really, not 4 months, but years) relationships, married and otherwise.They are all family and Sheila and I both look forward to officially joining the "ours" couples that will be celebrating with us.

You can subscribe to my blog by logging in at the link provided for desktop viewers at the top of the blog, or by sending a "Subscribe" message to egbassga@gmail.com for mobile users who cannot view the link at the top of the blog.

Being Fabulous is Exhausting

Sheila, being fabulous in NYC!

Our engagement celebration vacation ended just in time before we ran out of steam! Sheila remarked that it seemed like we were away for a very long time yet it had only been 6 days. But 6 days away is:

Sunday - Working on the House

We flew into Newark and landed about 6:15. After taking the sky tram to get the rental car (what, exactly, is the big deal with that sky tram?) and driving to Spotswood, we stopped at a traditional Jersey diner for a bite to eat and then went into the Spotswood house.

Broken door at the car rental place ... classic Jersey look

What a wreck!  We (and I say "we" now, meaning Sheila and me) (hey, we're getting married, so my mess is her mess) had a company come in about 4 weeks ago to do an estate sale, and while they sold some stuff they didn't even come close to emptying that house. That was the purpose of the estate sale ... Get rid of junk! What they DID do was sell the shelving and take everything that was on the shelves and dump it onto the floor. And, put all of the contents from the kitchen cabs on TOP of the counters.

No, it's not a movie, just a screen shot

So, we (italics added for emphasis) had to get the house straightened out since it was now a huge mess. Sheila was fantastic in getting a lot of the kitchen and studio stuff organized and directed the Donate-This-Crap drive for stuff going to Goodwill. It was close to 10:30 pm (10:30 PM, like night time 10:30 pm) by the time Sheila ran out of steam. For those who know Sheila, 10:30 pm is like a normal person's 3:30 am ...

Oh, did I tell you the A/C wasn't working properly? So all of this is being done in a house registering 84 degrees with all of the windows opened and fans running ...

Monday - Work on House, Donate Junk, Dinner w/Family 

Monday morning continued the cleanup, just about straight through until 4:00 pm or so. Pretty lousy start to our vacation, huh? I did a run to Goodwill and donated a bunch of stuff, mostly doll furniture, Christmas themed goods and clothing. Sheila had some great ideas about moving furniture and staging the house so it would show better, so we moved some stuff around and cleaned counters and bathrooms and floors (all of which were in pretty good shape BEFORE the estate sale) (I don't know what those folks did to mess that place up so totally).

Staged, thanks to Sheila

We got cleaned up and ready to go to dinner at my brother Frank's home. Frank's wife, Jill, made a fantastic meal (really, really good) and we enjoyed a nice relaxing evening with Frank, Jill and one of my other brother's, Buzz. We left at 9:30 or so and went back to Spotswood ... yes, the house was STILL hot inside! And it was, again, 10:30 before we settled in. Sheila was on a roll ...

Tuesday -  Ferry to NYC, Garment District, Wicked 

We decided to take the ferry (NY Waterways) from Belford NJ. It was about a 1 hour trip and the views were wonderful (Sheila had never seen the famous NYC skyline). Parking was free in Belford, so it was much better (and cheaper!) than fighting NYC traffic to get to the hotel.

NYC WTC view from ferry

NY Waterways has a shuttle bus that takes you to various points in Manhattan, all part of the ferry trip fee. We took the shuttle to Times Square and had a short 5 block walk to our hotel. We were a bit too early for check-in so we left our luggage with the bellhop, grabbed a quick lunch and then walked down to the garment district (not far, 10 blocks or so).

Our first stop in the district was M&S Schmalberg Custom Fabric Flowers. This place was coolio, for sure! This is not a traditional storefront like Michaels or Joann's ... quite the opposite. You go into a commercial building and take the elevator to the 7th floor. There is a small conference room  that exhibits some of the most magnificent flowers you'll ever see, and for that alone the trip is worth it. But the real gold lies in the manufacturing area where you can see these creations being made, by hand, in all of their beautiful detail. 

There is something about being shown the "behind the scenes" operations that result in major stars wearing the goods you're seeing designed right in front of your eyes! While we were there Warren (the owner) let us see a custom order for the Broadway show "Wicked", which we were on our way to see that evening. It was really cool ...

Sheila was in fabric heaven ... after M&S we visited a bunch of other places, one of which had more zippers than either of us ever imagined existed (Sheila had a custom zipper made for one of her dress ideas). Another place had imported Italian blouses, in a style Sheila really loved, at crazy low prices! It was a wild afternoon ...

That evening, we had a real NYC fast dinner of pizza slices and espressos at a little joint (you have to say "joint" when you're in the city) (you could say "pizza place" but then you look like a tourist) just down the street from our hotel. 

A few short blocks away, we arrived at the Gershwin Theatre to see "Wicked". 

Overall, a fantastic day and evening! We didn't get to bed until about 11:00 pm! Can you imagine that!!

Wednesday - garment district, Laura, jewelry, Waitress

Wednesday started off with breakfast, just basic stuff (eggs, french toast, coffee, OJ) just down the street from our hotel. Right after we finished, we hiked back down to the garment district to get stuff Sheila missed on Tuesday (did I tell you Sheila REALLY liked the garment district?). Just before lunch time we returned to the hotel to drop off our purchases and then tried (the most important word is "tried") to use Uber (for the very first time in our lives) to get to Brooklyn to meet with Laura at a vintage shop and have lunch.

I was a serious Uber-signaling failure, so I had to get a taxi to take us to Brooklyn. Of course, by now we were late and I was getting Jersey-stressed for the first time in a year. Sheila was her usual calm self, just looking at me stressing and inwardly rolling her eyes (Sheila would never roll her eyes at me when I was Jersey-stressing, but I know she was doing eye cartwheels in her brain). We finally got to Laura and the vintage shop, 10' Single by Stella Dallas, about 1 hour late.

Tons of vintage clothing jammed into this shop, racks and racks of old stuff ... Sheila and Laura we looking for dresses, or at least dress ideas, but I was somewhat lost in there. After all, I'm already vintage ... if I get any more vintage they'll be shoveling dirt over me ...

One of the things Sheila & I really like to do is to "be tall" around other people. There are times where we clearly tower over those around us, and in those moments we relish the opportunity to be tall (being tall also comes in handy when you are miffed with someone ... just be tall next to them and they'll fall into line). 

Meeting Laura really made us all feel like being tall.  I'm 6'5", and Sheila and Laura are both between 5'11" & 6'. We were definitely being tall while wandering the vintage clothing store.

After the vintage place we went around the corner to a cute little French luncheon restaurant and all had wonderful crepes. Sheila & Laura both ate healthy stuff (of course) while I had the not-so-healthy version. Owing to my poor planning with the Uber deal our time with Laura was far too short, but we'll get a chance to catch up with her & Lord (Laura's sig other) at the wedding in September!(You DO know Sheila & I are getting married in September, right?) Lord is going to officiate our wedding, so cool ...

Lunch was wonderful but over too quick as we had to make our way to Anna Sheffield Designs, the jewelry designer in SoHo. Sheila was desperately seeking some nesting rings to match the engagement ring we bought for her in Hood River OR back in June, and Anna Sheffield didn't disappoint. We found exactly what we had hoped for, in Sheila's size, and it was available for us to take it that day! Y'all will have to wait for pics on those beauties, though ...

We successfully Uber-ed back to the hotel, got dressed for dinner at the Glass House Tavern (wonderful meal) and then on to see the Broadway play "Waitress". We had purchased the Waitress tickets at the TKTS booth in Times Square, 50% off the day of the show. Great seats about 9 rows back. The show was really quite good, we both thoroughly enjoyed it!

Really great seats!!

It was another nearly 11:00 pm evening for Sheila, some kind of record must have been broken here by now ...

... almost done, hang in there ...

... I know, it's long ...

... Hey! you ought to try writing this missive ... 

 

Thurs. Ellen's Diner, 5th Ave, Ferry, LaTavola

We both woke up Thursday morning looking for breakfast. We had to check out by noon, but that gave us plenty of time to grab a bite and stroll around a little bit more ... because ...we get up at 5:30 every day, yes, even on vacation. So by 7:00 we are out the door and ready to get the day started!

First stop was Ellen's Stardust Diner, a famous NYC attraction where the waiters and waitresses put on show in between serving. I knew it happened at night but I didn't know they did this all day long! What a great time we had, watching the performers and just relaxing before the journey home.

Two of the waiters singing

After breakfast we took a walk along the famous 5th Avenue and gawked at the jewelry and other fantastic stuff in the windows. We didn't go in anywhere ...you could just see the security staff in Harry Winston Jewelers inwardly chuckling at us ... but it sure was fun to look!

The trip back to Spotswood was uneventful, except for when we bought some gelato in NYC while waiting for the ferry, only to realize that the gelato we make at home is about 2000% better!
 

Thursday night Sheila and I went to a NJ restaurant where I used to play to have dinner with Vinnie & Marilyn and to catch a set or two of jazz. Dinner was great, music was great, Vinnie & I sat in for a tune ... a great night with very good friends to close out our vacation trip!

It was great fun, all of it ... even the house cleaning ... because Sheila and I did it together. But, as told to us by Laura and stated above, being fabulous is exhausting! We were glad to get back to our home in Georgia! 

You can subscribe to my blog by logging in at the link provided for desktop viewers at the top of the blog, or by sending a "Subscribe" message to egbassga@gmail.com for mobile users who cannot view the link at the top of the blog.

Sheila Said "Yes!"

 

Sheila and I were in Oregon a few weeks ago for one of her business audits. I have previously posted in this blog about some of our Great NW exploits (ticking off multiple hipsters in the process after besmirching the character of the Portland/Vancouver region … oh, well …) but never really finished the discussion. On June 3^rd, the Saturday after Sheila finished her audit, we were exploring some of the absolutely beautiful areas east of Portland and while in Hood River, Oregon, I asked Sheila to marry me and she said yes!

We have been talking about getting married recently, since it was clear to both of us that our now nearly 1 year old relationship had blossomed into a true love for each other, but hadn’t actually made any real decisions. While strolling in Hood River we visited a jewelry shop (Hood River Jewelers, beautiful unique custom jewelry) and Sheila fell in love with a ring. It was my intention to buy that ring discretely, have it shipped here to Georgia, and then ask Sheila to marry me on July 3^rd, 1 year to the day we met. But we also visited another jewelry shop and Sheila also loved a ring she saw in there!

Remember, it’s me were talking about here … 

My usual state of confusion look

I was now completely perplexed. Two rings? I figured I would talk to Laura when we got home, send her pics of the two rings and ask her which one I should get. (yes, yes … I understand the folly of taking that approach; never ask one woman to choose jewelry for another woman, even if they are your life love and your daughter) Fortunately, while we were walking after visiting store #2, Sheila said “You know, either of those two rings would be a nice engagement ring”.

Although not exactly the romantic scene I had pictured in my head, while standing in the middle of the sidewalk, in the middle of Hood River OR, holding hands and looking at each other, I formally asked Sheila to marry me and she said “Yes”! Passers-by must have looked at us and thought, “Look at those old people kissing in the middle of the street! What’s wrong with them?” But there were also many people who looked at us and smiled, as if they knew we had just changed our lives for the better.

We visited both jewelers again and Sheila decided on the Hood River Jewelers ring. To memorialize our day, we had a younger teen boy and his mother take our picture, letting them know why we asked for help with the pic and accepting their congratulations proudly.

The day Sheila lost her mind

  We have since decided to get married in Destin Florida this coming September. Destin has been a family vacation spot for Sheila for many years, renting a unit right on Miramar Beach with some of the cleanest, most beautiful sand and water I have ever seen. The sunrises/sunsets are extraordinary, and we’ve chosen to be married on the beach at sunset with a small ceremony and just family in attendance. It will be simple and easy, but at the same time very meaningful to both Sheila and I after an intense past two years as our lives were turned upside down.

 I am thrilled that this beautiful soul has agreed to marry me and we both are totally grateful for the blessings we have received in meeting each other. And, now that I have a chance to reflect on it, the proposal was actually pretty darn romantic!